沒錯大東繼續愛下去啦 就是對你 愛愛愛不完<p>??
When I first saw you, I stopped for a short time. It was as if someone was tightly squeezing my heart<p>Key - Lucifer
Now that I have the time to think calmly, clearly, suddenly it occurs to me... why would he have ever chosen me?
I'm thinking of so many what ifs now, it's making my mind hurt. But I'm glad that things have settled. I'm glad that now we can look into each other's eyes and genuinely smile. I'm glad that we can make physical contact without cringing. I'm glad that we have stopped tiptoeing around each other. I'm glad we can make jokes at each other. I feel like I'm back in the past before all the hurtful things happened, when we were happy, carefree and very much placing each other in first place.
My mind is whirling now because when I close my eyes, I can hear your voice. But I see someone else's face. :/
I love how no matter how long we haven't seen each other, there isn't the gaudy awkwardness that fills the air. We talk as if we're still in the same school. (: I miss seeing them everyday really.
Met Avril and Shi Han early at Orchard. Tan Shi Han never give me warning when she comes. It's like: oh i'm one minute away. And my drama was still happily being played on my com hahaha. Walked to Somerset and met Sharmaine at Cine. Shop shop, talk talk.
Shi Han: Eh, where's the zoo ah?
Shi Han: EH?! Isn't that in India.
(laugh die me)
and even after dinner we stared at Suju SHINee and SNSD posters before going off to look for more food!!! Shi Han like some expert HAHAHA. Ate then camwhored a lil in the awesomeeee toilet then train-ed home. We should meet up again soon.
Although some decisions are a little regretful and I at least can't help feeling sad that things came to an end in such a way, it feels uplifting that you can tell these people anything without them judging you or pulling long faces. They are amazing, in every sense of the word <3
Firstly, Happy New Year! :D
With the new year come new hopes and dreams. New trials and tribulations. And the new hope of finally getting to see SHINee on stage. With the financial fix we're in, I might not be going for SS3 after all although I really do wanna see Wookie.
But with 2010 past, there's key people I need to thank for nothing more than the fact that they've brought smiles to my faces.
Riley Park: How to even begin? You're amazing, in every sense of the word. You who would always always think of me. You who are just a phone call away for anything that I might even begin to need. You who I see less often than does our friendship justice. Thank you for making 2010 equally wonderful and amazing for me, just for being there whenever, especially all the encouragement as I made my way to the horror of A Levels. I love you Mrs Park <3
Natalie Choi: My dearest spazzing partner. How could I not have a picture with you?! hahahaha. 2010 was all the more amazing because we became all that much closer, knowing we can tell each other almost anything really. Including the dreams I've hidden in my heart for all these years and not even my parents know about. :D Kinda sucks we've missed going to events together and the things you do for me will always always be kept in my heart. (: Thank you for 2010. I love you spazzer <3
Roy Goh: You who can read me so well. You who are always so timely around for me, thank you for 2010. Amazing how kpop brings people together right!! <3 Thank you for always always being the best listening ear that I could possibly ask for, anytime when you're just an sms away. And the first person to be talking to me as 2011 came upon us :D I'm here for you too k, anytimeeeee <3 you ttm!
Andrea Lim: Dearest godsis, 2010 was made all the more special with you :D Thank you for always always being encouraging for me, for being my own little happy pill who would always always give me a big wide grin. :D And of course for listening to all my nonsense about kpop and all <3 you!
Tricia Lim: who's always there for me, since forever. The one who would timely message me when daddy was in hospital, the one who would send me amazing encouraging messages as A Levels drew nearer. Thank you very much for another wonderful year. I'm super awesome glad that we could spend Christmas together with you this year! <3
Tiffany: How to even begin thanking you for another wonderful year. All the amazing patience, the time taken off your own schedule to always always help us with music. Where else to look for such a wonderful section leader? And the huge grin you gave me after my solo was so immensely heartwarming. And the constant messages of affirmation make it so worth it. Thank you! <3 I love my altos!
Kenny Chua: For being the best friend to sit with for 2 years! :D I'm so thankful for you in 2011. So glad you joined the kpop wave or craze whatever you call it. hahaha. Thank you for always being there, to share in the joys, to tough it out with me during the tough times. And I love you, so much for knowing me soooo well :D
Mrs Kyu: Thank you ever so much for everything. Do I even need to say more? I'm always always loving having HTHT sessions with you, cracking our brains tgt over the horrible A Levels. Night study together. <3 And really thank god for SS501 or I think our relationship wouldn't have improved soooo drastically hahahah. I loveeee youuuuu <3
Joan Lee: for always never failing to listen to me crap about kpop and all the random moments we spazzed together thank you! :D You've always been a great comfort, whether it is for school work or for just un academic stuff hahaha <3
Lutty: thank you for being the heart of our clique. The one who makes the noise with Kenny, who organises the birthday treats, who never fails to make us laugh! I'm so glad for you! And for the kpop spazzing :D
Vanessa: thank you for being an amazing person I can talk to. Fahrenheit, SHINee, FT Island, it doesn't matter. :D No matter whatever happiness we might have had, I still say thank you for always always being someone I can count on <3
Luke: thank you not just for 2010 but for 2009 as well! :D These 2 years with you have been amazing, despite everything :D For always always being there for me to rant especially when it's a sensitive issue. ^^ It's amazing how fast time has flown. Thank you for being someone I can tell anything to!! <3
Jay Han: for all the encouragement, smiles and all that, thank you! For being someone I can count on, for being someone I can always laugh with and thank you for treating me as special a friend as I treat you. Even with you hanging out with them instead this year, I appreciated the special effort to talk to me about it and to tell me what was going on. <3 plentyyyyy
Yichin: for being amazing ever since IG. How to say thanks for 2010, for all the fun and laughter we've had together. FOr all the numerous buffets we stuffed ourselves with, for the amazing birthday present you guys gave me?! Just thank you for everything :D
Velda: my awesome best bud! :D Always having a smile for me, and for always always being such a sweet and amazing friend. I thank God that we became close, that we're able to share things with each other, that you are always there for me. No matter what, I love youuuu <3
Left the house and went to meet Andrea yesterday. Reached Bishan early to transfer funds to Kenny then went to wait for her. Met Joshua Koh in the train. He made us look like two idiots cos we were sitting opposite him and waving and he was like totally not noticing us at all la please hahahaha.
Train-ed to Bugis to meet Roysmond because awesome Roy was gonna be late. We just wasted time until he came then went to have lunch. Roysmond super happy only cos he wanted to eat at that Japanese place. But food really not bad. Keep laughing cos Roy was in his own world playing with Drea's phone hahahha. Then we just randomly walked around until Godpa came to pick Drea for her jab.
We walked around Bugis somemore then Drea texted to say she could meet us for dinner. Happy only :D Oh and I saw Sonic too hahahaha. Although my attempts to get his attention failed LOLLL. When Drea called to say she was done, we decided to go ION to meet her cos Bugis was boring and me and Roysmond getting very tired hahaha.
Trained to Orchard and met Drea there. Shop shop shop. :D Window shopping of course. haha if not no money for dinner. Went to sit down and have a drink then the boys played with Roysmond's iPhone while I played with Drea's and Drea fiddled with my iPod hahaha. Decided to go walk again so shop shop shop.
Dinner at Fish & Co! hahaha. Laughed superrrrr crazy lots at dinner. Praise God sooo vigourously <3 HAHAHA. First time I seen it so much lor. hahaha. Thanks to the topic we were on.
Trained home with Drea.
Yesterday's company was amazing. We didn't do much, but it was amazing all the same. The laughter, the easy companionship all made me forget my troubles and I havent laughed so much in a while. I really needed to get things off my mind. So thank you Drea, Roy and Roysmond for making my day <3
Thank God I didn't have to yesterday.
I miss feeling safe with you.
And yesterday's dream was so vivid, I half wish it was true.
Another amazing Christmas. Three of us never fail to have picture tgt :D
I love you twooooo <3
Christmas Caroling was amazing in a way of it's own. The terror that clenched at me when I was asked to sing solo but thanks to Gabriel, I pulled it off! (: And the huge smile that Tiffany gave me was so heartwarming all on it's own that I totally cant forget the look on her face (:
Plus managed to hang out with Nadia and Anabelle at Drea's house <3
And numerous htht with Roy. Veryyyyy glad for him, to whom I can always talk to no matter what!! (:
Christmas was beautiful thanks to the people right there beside me <3
And I got to see Dylan yesterday toooooo. Should have stayed for Midnight mass!!! hahahaha~
Today was crazy but super worth it (:
Woke up at 5:15AM, thank you Daddy for sending me to Square 2. Queued with Riley. (: Queueing was boring. Just talk only lor hahahaha. Then then then we went inside. damn squeezy but never mind. :D DJ came. blah blah blah. Skip to when Fahrenheit arrived.
We all staring at the Medical Centre because Fahrenheit would appear from there! Damnnnn awesome. When they arrived. WOW. Calvin wow-ed me off my feet. He looked damnnnn awesome. And srsly Jiro is like always awesome. They came on stage and I was like half screaming, half just staring at them. wtffff super hot HAHAHAHA.
They talked a while about the album and towel (: Then they sang 守护星! ^^ I likeeeeee. Jiro was damnnnn cuteeeeee. :D Like I couldn't take my eyes off him but I remembered to take photos of the rest as well! :D They had some interview. Managed to sneak some shots of Calvin and Aaron. Then it started alr. Kinda sad that they only sang one song :/
Then it was time to start going up. Wow, I was damnnnn excited and managed to sneak some shots. A bit annoyed with people rolling their eyes at whatever Dadong said, but wth, he's so awesome :D He said things to make us high again as usual. He has a gift of doing that. :D "Do you want to be our Sexy Girls?~" AND I FREAKING HAD A HEART ATTACK THERE AND THEN GAHHH.
K I wanted there to be a jam in first barricade so I could get Dadong's attention. But I'm damnnn suay one -.- Okay never mind went up, like super super nervous. Calvin gripped my hand locked eyes with me and smiled. And all I could stupidly say was "亦儒加油！" and he smiled even more and said "谢谢！“
Aaron fans know he loves to do this thing with his eyes. You know that look on his face? Yes he had that and I died. He looked at me and I got lost in his eyes all over again. Then I said the same thing I said to Calvin and he thanked me also. I think I had a stupid smile on my face.
My awesome Jiro Wang. He looked at me kind of expectantly then I put the plastic bag on the table. "大东，这是给你的。是我亲手做的哦，所以要看好吗" Then Jiro was like grinning from ear to ear already. He peered into the plastic bag then he gave his dramatic gasp (being Jiro) and then he was like: "哇你好厉害哦！谢谢你啊，辛苦了！" And when he said this he was looking right directly into my eyes and like shaking my hand. And I was melting into a puddle already. Then I thanked him and he smiled at me, still holding my present <3
I think Chun damn wasted. Before I could do anything they were already pushing me off. I put the present on the table and was like: 吴尊，这个给你！“ and that was all the time I had. They were like shoving me off already. Chun gave me this surprised smile and quickly grabbed my hand and squeezed it and said thank you, looking into my eyes. Eye contact is amazing (:
After that collected the autographed cards and went upstairs to find Rendy. At first didn't plan to go cos no space then Rendy called and say got space so okay we went. Wow, vantage point was awesome. Ate, then took turns taking pictures :D Chun looked up and made the eating sign to our table <3
Then as we took turns taking photos of Fahrenheit, later on we called YYL but he super la, he didn't hear or something, too busy weibo-ing HAHAHAHA. But Calvin glanced up.
As Fahrenheit was leaving, they looked up at our side. And wow, Jiro blew a flying kiss. The picture is blur. I wanted to kill myself but wow, he waved + flying kiss. I love that guy!!!! And and and all of them waved and all that. Can't begin to express Jiro's cuteness :D
The only regret: Today Jiro stand at the other side of the stage ):
I think I know what happened.
I think what happened was: you got closer to her and then suddenly, I'm soooo out of the picture. Maybe it started with my obsession with SHINee and it built up. I didn't want to feel this way, cos I knew it was childish. But hey, you were always talking to her, encouraging her and it seemed like without me, your lives wouldn't change either.
Maybe it was my obsession with SHINee that drove me out of the picture. But it was also this obsession with SHINee that helped me forge closer bonds. That gave me new friends as well. It hurts thinking about it.
I couldn't sleep that night. And me being me would try to make it all better. But I'm wondering if this friendship can withstand it. Because no matter how tightly one person grasps on to it, nothing happens unless the other one does the same too. I thought maybe this would make our friendship even stronger. It did for Kenny and me. But I don't know now. Because I made the attempt to, and yet nothing happened :/
I lost my cool when all the hurt welled up in me and the tears couldn't stop. Because suddenly everything was my fault. I don't want to lose another friend. I've lost too many. But if you don't grasp on as tightly as I am doing, I'll lose energy soon. And everything will just come crashing down.
I've lost too many. Am I gonna lose her too?